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Narcissists are takers not givers and if they do give it is to gain something back for themselves. They give you breadcrumbs to keep you sweet enough to stay but not enough that you might grow in self-esteem and leave. Its control and their way of keeping you under their thumb.
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Why not do both if you feel that they are not dangerous enough to target you before and after you have left.
But be careful if you feel they have malignant tendencies. I have a client who was in a high profile public job. A gentle personality, she was sadly bullied out of this job she loved very much whilst other high profile people stood by listening to the bullying in their ear pieces day after day.
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I will make this response short because it is not unlike other similar questions I have answered. I do wonder if this personality has undiagnosed ADD/ADHD traits which might make them appear narcissistic in behaviour. There can sometimes be an Asperger mix with an ADHD diagnosis.
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Gosh there are a number of questions here. Quite the contrary most narcissists are careful about their hygiene and how they appear.
I do wonder if the personality you describe is neurodifferent with a leaning towards ADD/ADHD. Sadly this can go undiagnosed in many people, particularly teenagers and adults.
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I have noticed in my work as a systemic psychotherapist and training consultant that a large number of successful entrepreneurs or bosses appear to have neurodifferent traits perhaps similar to those that can be found on the ADHD/Asperger spectrum.
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Though I acknowledge that most medical professionals are excellent and trustworthy, this is a question that clients have brought to therapy over the years.
Most people who excel in our educational system fully deserve to, they work hard. However is it possible that our educational system it is unhelpfully set up to accommodate those with photographic memories or those that can regurgitate information easily?
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In my experience through my work with victims of narcissistic abuse you did get a reason, the typical reason they give for leaving. The narcissist will own nothing of their behaviour. Instead they always do give a reason for leaving in the form of blame.
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Limiting finances is a regular pattern of the narcissist. It feeds their need for power and control. It also satisfies their need to see their ex partners general freedom and choices diminished so they can have control over their partner/expartner. Particularly so if the partner asserts themselves in the interest of fairness or neccissity.
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In my experience as a systemic psychotherapist I have worked with victims of organisational bullying. I also have worked as a leadership trainer in various organisations and have sadly seen that narcissistic dynamics do and are allowed to thrive to the detriment of the mental health of many employees and the performance of many organisations.
